When things don't go according to plan... find your Calm. Find your victories. Celebrate them.

This is a slightly different post compared to the ones you are used to.

It’s been a tough few weeks for me. Optimal challenges and unexpected hardship im equal measure.

🌟 On one hand we celebrated…

• one year of this newsletter

• my coaching client stars are making stellar progress

• the community has been growing and been more supportive than ever

• the book club just finished its ninth round!

🤒 But being a parent of twins, solopreneur and sometimes curiously crazy individual comes with its own uncertainties and hardships:

• balancing family time, creative time and health

• dealing with an ever-changing product service

• aligning products with long time horizons with cash flow

The last two weeks our systems and bodies got thoroughly stressed. Everyone got sick: my partner and I, the kids, parents, grandparents, even the loud neighbour.

We tapped into reserves we didn’t know existed. Though it also it bonded us. We also go on each others’ nerves at times. But it’s exhausting.

Many of you are entrepreneurs. Parents. Sons and daughters who have experienced hardship. You have my sympathy. You all know how to be the rock for others. How to remain calm even when your inner world is a raging storm.

Hardship

I lost two of my grandparents at a very young age to unrelated, yet tragic circumstances.

Seeing my father return home after having lifted my grandmother after a tragic fall into an ambulance left a notable cornerstone in my memory. I scene I did not have to witness first-hand. But the silence on his face was deafening.

Many experience even more difficult circumstances in the world right now.

I recall not knowing at the time how to articulate the mix of tenderness, respect, sorrow and worry I felt for him. I felt with him. An unspoken exchange between calm, unblinking eyes.

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My father and I are very much alike. We share parts that are very stubborn. We’re both entrepreneurs. Fixers. Supporters. We carry a deep drive to building things and supporting, mentoring. Teams. Families.

Calm

I was briefly reminded of all these qualities as I was complaining about my cough when we took our daughter to the first-ever ER visit—She’s fine now, bless you ♥️

I can beat myself up and become annoyed at myself for

• making a mistake

• not being fast or smart enough

• comparing myself to others

• letting others down

Yet when it comes to serving something greater (crisis or no), a calm washes over me that crystallises all priorities, and allows me to bring my best, most powerful self. I mistook it at first for adrenaline. But it didn’t carry with it the intensity or sharpness. Quite the opposite.

I was told not everyone experiences moments like these way. Not this way. I was the kind of kid in school that got anxiety-inducing nervousness prior to performing on stage but was unshakingly calm after the first step.

I am curious to know whether you experience this too?

Be it as it may, I found it to be a priceless skill in my being a parent, in my coaching practice and in moments of leadership and inspiration during stressful, high-stakes tech startup missions.

Resistance

I speak of a point-of-no-return in any thought, action or initiative that offers no resistance once accepted and on the path.

I have been able to make good use of this calm throughout my life and career in tech.

• To support the family during difficult moments

• To zoom out and offer different perspectives during incidents at work

• To think slowly and draw inspiration when exchanges got heated with clients

In a way I pride myself of this small superpower. It elucidates victories and opportunities to me that would otherwise fall through the cracks. However, it’s easy to get stuck looking for problems. Working in tech I found it far too tempting early in my career to only look for problems and fixes for them. That too, is exhausting.

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At the end of the day when normality kicks it is crucial to not dismiss these moments—be they hard or easy. To recognise each moment’s potential to carry with it cause for celebration. A small victory in everything.

Things to be grateful for. And to share this gratitude with the people around you. Because when the dust settles you realise it was always about how you relate to them.